GAPS Diet Day 5: Trust Your Gut

Sometimes deep healing requires doing the hard work. I began the day feeling really positive from yesterday’s inspiration, excited about the possibilities of creation in the kitchen.  But by 7 p.m., I had sunken into a wave of intense sadness.

I’m not sure if it was a love song on the radio or the bad bacteria dying inside me or exhaustion from last night’s insomnia, but my grief over the recent end to a beautiful partnership overtook me.

Together in PartnershipJ is one of the most intelligent men I have ever met, and he lives his life with a youthful optimism that is contagious.  I’ve had many of my favorite days by his side. He is handsome, generous, and thoughtful, and he loves me better than any other man I’ve dated.  Not to mention he’s the best surfer I know.  He is truly a catch.  So why are we not still together?

I’ve been struggling to find an answer to this question for some time.  I have an undeniable desire to be on my own right now, and try as I might, I have not been able to let this go.  So I put J and I through a number of ups and downs, yeses and no's, ins and outs to the point that our relationship just wasn’t sustainable any longer.  He deserves to be with a woman who is all in, and I have not been able to give him that.

So I spent my Friday night crying into my bone broth.  Who ever thought 26 would be so cool?

I can’t figure out why I have had this knot in my stomach since the early stages of our relationship.  Maybe I’m trying to cling to a sense of youthful freedom.  Maybe it’s bad timing since I just moved to a new city and need to establish myself here.  Maybe I am scared that he really is my life partner and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.  Or maybe there was something in our relationship that just wasn’t right.  Trying to make sense of it all makes me feel heartbroken and overwhelmed.

All I can do is trust my gut. 

Which brings me back the gut-healing GAPS Diet.  It makes philosophical sense that a healthy gut is a smart gut.  I can feel my gut getting stronger each day on the GAPS Introduction Diet.  I am eating foods that are earthy (nothing more earthy than bone broth!), and as I result, I continue to feel more grounded.

A part of my commitment to the GAPS Diet is my intention to build a better relationship with my gut.  Physically, but paying attention to my symptoms as I introduce new foods – do they make me bloated or heavy, or do they make me feel strong and nurtured?   And intuitively, by paying attention to how people and decisions make me feel in my gut on an emotional and physiological level – does this feel right to me, or does something about this make me unsettled?  I believe that each of is deeply connected to the truth and divinity of the universe, and I am starting to think that the source of this connection sits somewhere in the gut.

Even if it leads me to sad and lonely Friday nights, I am learning to trust and honor my gut.

Day 5 Foods: 

Same as previous, with addition of a single egg raw egg yolk dropped in my bone broth this morning, which proceeded to cook into a chewy yolk ball by the time I found it at the bottom of my thermos.  So much for my egg yolk being raw.  I added another raw yolk to my chicken soup tonight that I managed to eat before it cooked too much. It added a nice rich and creamy flavor to the soup.

Day 5 Symptoms:

  • Insomnia, restless sleep, waking every hour
  • Very itchy sinuses and sneezing with cough and mucus at 4:30 a.m.
  • Improved energy level this morning
  • Improved sinus pressure for most of the day
  • Oily skin and scalp
  • Menstrual cramps and heavy period
  • Sore muscles in my arms, chest and back
  • Lack of focus, fuzzy thinking
  • Hot flashes in the middle of the day, sweat with strong odor
  • Feeling positive throughout the workday
  • Intense feelings of sadness and tearful beginning at 7 p.m.
  • Increased hunger throughout the day